What does that mean? It means I am devoted
to all the ways you discover the beauty of who you really are;
to your being—fully human, fully alive, fully lit from the inside out;
to your divinity—the light within you that makes the world a brighter place;
to your truth —you are always becoming,
Knowing, I knew.
That's the short story.
This is the long story:
Imagining that I could become...anything.
At the age of ten I wanted to be a chef, until I realized chefs needed to work nights and weekends. Somewhere in my teens I decided I wanted to be a poet, until I realized poets rarely get paid. During college I fell in love with copywriting and thought that was the way to be a paid poet. A week before I received my Masters degree, my mentor, a tall, thin, white-haired man with the tannest skin (year-round, in Syracuse, NY, no less) and the clearest of clearest blue eyes handed me Edna St. Vincent Millay's first-edition poetry collection, A Few Figs From Thistles with a scribble inside that read: limit your poetic instinct unless you’re writing a poem. I took his advice, landed an agency copywriting job and tucked my poetic instinct away.
I fell in love, got married, started a family, stopped working and then became a chef (at the same time I assumed the role of maid although that was never a dream of mine). Eight weeks after I stopped working I started freelance copywriting. I thought I needed to think more. This whole thinking nonsense led me to starting an ad agency. When I got bored, I accepted a job teaching advertising at a local college. When I got drained, I started a custom stationery business. When I found myself in the middle of the National Stationery Show in NYC, being applauded not for the cards, but for the marketing supporting the business, I returned to advertising...but not without a little breakdown in between.
Somewhere within the space of managing a career and babies and dinner and laundry and life, I discovered that managing wasn't all it was cracked up to be and juggling was for clowns. I was tired and unfulfilled. I was certain that I was missing a very big something, but I couldn't quite put my finger WHAT that something was. So I kept pushing and pushing and pushing until I realized that very big something was me.
I was missing me.
The happy me. The creative me. The passionate me. The connected me. The me who grew up imagining she could be anything. The me who knew.
You will be surprised to learn that a choir of angels did not appear with that realization. Hardly. Guilt appeared with a heaping side of Shame. They asked, "How can you not feel happy and connected? How can you not feel passionate and free? Technically, there is nothing wrong with you. You are just being selfish. Who do you think you are to think you deserve something more when you already have so much?"
You've met Guilt and Shame, too? Those two freaks are relentless.
For reasons I will never understand, I decided to ignore them. I decided to admit that I wasn't happy out loud. I told my husband, my family and my friends. I allowed myself to say it, to hear it, to feel it. And then, with the nudge of a cherished friend, I decided to write my way out of that murky place. The year was 2010. I started a blog called Twisted Pinky, Promises Worth Making On Your Journey Through Life. It didn't take me long to realize that whatever I wrote came true—the good and the bad. So I quickly pointed my pen toward all things positive. In the process, I discovered a thing or two.
And you need to roll with it. It's the only way to come to your senses about yourself, to find your purpose, to understand your infinite and invaluable potential.
I think it's ironic that I spent over 20 years creating messages for different mediums in advertising, only to discover that I was a medium channeling messages. The Universe is hysterical like that. Let's just say I stepped into a rabbit hole for several years and when I found my way back out I was a certified Usui Reiki Master, Earth Medicine School shaman practitioner and Open Heart Project meditation instructor. Yes, the hole was wide and deep.
The key to the unending process of becoming is allowing. Allowing your senses to unfold in a way that's aligned with all the things that make you giddy. Admittedly, that's not always easy because the only way to figure out what lights your heart on fire is to navigate through the experiences that try to dampen your flames. Sometimes this feels like a twisted maze of wrong turns and dead ends, but when you finally discover the path that makes the most sense to you all those twists and turns reappear as a brilliantly orchestrated, life-size, connect-the-dot puzzle. I believe you are born with a tool to connect these dots. It's called intuition.
You arrive on this planet with an intuitive compass intact. Every human is wired this way. It connects you to the Universe. It connects you to your family, friends, lovers, haters, strangers and neighbors. It connects you to a sea of potential energy that's loving and unlimited, graceful and gracious, and as deep and dreamy and miraculous as the life you're here to lead.
I believe your intuitive powers are capable of delivering heaven on earth. I believe that when you choose to live in the center of your truth with the best intentions, you disable fear, longing, stress, anxiety and disease and, in doing so, you discover freedom. I believe that synchronicity is a reminder that you and I are slice of the divine here to enjoy a destiny of greatness. It's why we're both on this same page right now honoring all the dots that connect us.
And I believe, when you allow your innate intuitive powers to fully develop you find the most important key of all—the one that unlocks your heart for good.
It's how I live. It's how I work. It's why I'm here.